Sore/Transcript
Abridged Episode #30 Watch ← Previous Episode Next Episode → Cast (in order of appearance): Date: July 12, 2008 Running Time: 6:55 Episode Title: Sore Transcript YAMI: Yu-Gi-Oh The Abridged Series. According to Wikipedia, we don't exist! SPINY NORMAN: Dinsdale? STRINGER: Hey punk! This card isn't Graceful Charity, it's Graceful Dice! GUY: Really? I guess I got them confused. But you can't really blame me, they're very similar. STRINGER: Like hell they are! Graceful Dice has a dice on it, whereas Graceful Charity does not have a dice! You sir, are a fool! MOKUBA: Stop fighting! STRINGER: Who the hell are you? MOKUBA: I'm the commissioner for the Battle City Tournament. What I say goes, and I say you have to buy me a pet rabbit, because my big brother won't let me have one. STRINGER: Nuts to your rabbit! KAIBA: Oh Mokuba, are you abusing your position of power again? MOKUBA: Seto! STRINGER: Kaiba! KAIBA: Sorry if my brother is bothering you. He does that. A lot. To show my sympathy I'd like to offer you all the trading cards you'll ever need, but only if you'll duel me in return. STRINGER: This couldn't possibly be some form of trap. I accept! KAIBA: (smiling) Heeh. dead puppy KAIBA: I only need to play a single card, even though summoning an Egyptian God requires me to sacrifice monsters. And is therefore impossible to do in the first turn. Now you get to enjoy years of painful and upsetting therapy. Come on Mokuba, let's go get you that pet tarantula. MOKUBA: You mean rabbit, right, Seto? KAIBA: You are getting a tarantula and you will like it. (a scene of Atem sitting on the Pharaoh's throne spinning shows while a theme reminiscent of [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fresh_Prince_of_Bel-Air ''The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air] plays. The title reads The Phresh Pharaoh of Bel-Air.) Now this is a story all about how My life got flipped, turned upside-down And I'd like to take a minute Just sit down, James I'll tell you how I became the undisputed King of card games (On a stage somewhere.) YAMI: Hey, a magic show! This looks slightly less depressing than watching Joey duel! CLOWN: Neheheheh! Hello, Yugi! We've been expecting you! Come this way, my master is waiting! YAMI: (thinking) I spy with my little eye, something beginning with gay clown. I have a bad feeling about this. (The city streets) MOKUBA: Seto! KAIBA: What? MOKUBA: Yugi just dropped off our sensors, we can't locate him! He's disappeared! KAIBA: Somehow this is your fault! If I wasn't so busy buying you a scorpion, this never would have happened. MOKUBA: But I thought we were getting a tarantula. KAIBA: It's always about what you want, isn't it Mokuba? (Underneath the stage) YAMI (thinking): Okay, where am I now? unnerving laughter JIGSAW KILLER: Hello Yugi, I want to play a little game... YAMI: You have got to be kidding me. ARKANA: It's no joke, Yugi! My name is Arkana, Steve Arkana, and soon your Dark Magician will belong to me! YAMI: That's about as likely as Battlestar Galactica having a satisfying conclusion! ARKANA: I have special orders from my mysterious employer to make this a spectacle, Yugi! YAMI: Dude, this show has maybe two villains. It hardly takes a genius to figure out you're working for Marik. ARKANA: Behold, I had this duel arena specially designed for our match! Now, let's begin by shuffling our decks in a needlessly dramatic fashion! YAMI: Waaay ahead of ya. ARKANA: You know, there is an old saying amongst high rollers and card sharks, "Always trust your opponents, but only after you cut their deck." YAMI: Yeah? Well, here's another saying, "Go (bleep) yourself Arkana." ARKANA: You'll regret those words once you realize this duel is about more than cards, it's also about survival! Because, in case you haven't already guessed, this episode is a parody of the Saw franchise! YAMI: Didn't this already happen in episode 10? ARKANA: These are dark energy disks! Every time you lose life points, the disk will move closer to your body! YAMI: You're trying to slice off my legs and make me bleed to death? That's a little hardcore for a kid's show, isn't it? ARKANA: The dark energy disk is totally harmless, all it will do is send your immortal soul to the Shadow Realm! Your physical body will remain unharmed. YAMI: Honestly, are there no depths to which 4Kids won't sink? (Kaiba Corp.) KAIBA: Don't worry Mokuba, my harem of female robots will locate Yugi in no time. MOKUBA: You have a harem, Seto? KAIBA: Yes, I created them specifically so that I could shun them with my cold indifference. MOKUBA: Big bro, you're kind of like the anime version of Scrooge McDuck. Only much less fluffy. KAIBA: I know. (At Yugi's duel...) YAMI: Since you're such a big fan of plot twists, you're going to love my next card! Behold, the first appearance of the Dark Magician Girl, inspiring countless failed attempts at cosplaying the world over! a yu-gi-oh fan is touching himself inappropriately* applies to any situation, really ARKANA: Your plot twists pale in comparison to mine! How could you possibly think to beat a movie franchise that earns over 100 million dollars every year? YAMI: I see, then the only way to defeat you is to spoil every plot twist in existence. Thereby ridding the public of any desire to see your convoluted mess of a movie series! ARKANA: You wouldn't dare! YAMI: Wanna bet? *takes in a deep breath* SNAPE KILLS DU-- spoilers later YAMI: ...Nicole Kidman is a ghost, and Rosebud is the sled. ARKANA: No! He's spoiling all the best plot twists! (On the city streets) GRANDPA: Hello small child, I don't suppose you've seen the plot anywhere, have you? Téa and I have been looking everywhere for it. TEA: We're such invaluable characters, the plot can't possibly move forward without us! MOKUBA: Don't worry, my big brother knows exactly wh- GRANDPA: Shut up, Mokuba! MOKUBA: No, you shut up! ...Oh god, I'm so sorry. TEA: Did you just tell an old man to shut up? GRANDPA: Where the hell are your manners? (At the duel...) ARKANA: Help! Somebody save me from the harmless dark energy disks that won't kill me! YUGI: Super special awesome rescue! BAKURA: I say Yugi, can I be in this epis- *dark energy disk cuts Bakura in half* Oh, buggeration! YUGI: Huh, I guess 4Kids forgot to censor them after all. MARIK (speaking through Arkana): We meet again, little Yugi... again. YUGI: Die monster! You don't belong in this world! MARIK: [[Wikipedia:Castlevania:_Symphony_of_the_Night|It is not by my hand that I am once again given flesh. I was brought back by humans who wish to pay me tribute!]] YUGI: Tribute? You steal men's souls, and make them your slaves! MARIK: Perhaps the same could be said of all religions! YUGI: Your words are as empty as your soul! Mankind ill needs a savior such as you! *a glass is thrown to the ground* MARIK: What is a man? A miserable pile of secrets! But enough of this! ...I'm outta here. YUGI: Hey, come back and take your henchman with you! TEA: Yugi! We found you! GRANDPA: Are we interrupting something? Subtitle appears over Tristan's head: tristan get here? YUGI: This totally isn't what it looks like. (Marik's hideout) MARIK: Yugi is so foolish thinking he can kick my ass! How can he possibly hope to compete with my army of celebrity Steves? "Stone Cold" Steve Austin! Steve Guttenberg! Steve Jobs! Steve Buscemi! With their combined Steve power, I shall be unstoppable! Now watch fangirls, as I strip! (Marik reveals his bare back and on his back is a tattoo that reads: DIE YUGI DIE) Yeah, get a load of that back! You (eff)ing love it, don't you? (fade to logo) In northeastern Africa, born and raised In the palace is where I spent most of my days Chillin' out, maxin', relaxin' all the while Playin' some card games right beside the Nile When a couple of guys, who were up to no good... tattoo is german for "the yugi, the" (stinger from The Simpsons episode Treehouse of Horror V) MARIK: No TV and no beer make Homer something something. ISHIZU: Go crazy? MARIK: Don't mind if I do! (end stinger) BAKURA: ...Can I have my legs back now? Trivia * The "Graceful Charity/Graceful Dice" bit is a reference to a mix-up in the previous instalment. * Marik's Tattoo saying "Die Yugi, Die" and later the episode states it is German for The Yugi, The is a direct reference from the Simpson episode Cape Feare where Sideshow Bob has a tattoo saying Die Bart, Die tattoo. He states this is German for "The Bart, The. (video: http://entertainment.msn.com/video/playern?pid=RcujFWTBQKt2in20nujO4beCMeXsLYq8) * At the start, when Yami says that Wikipedia doesn't recognize them, this is because when you search Yu-Gi-Oh! Abridged on Wikipedia, it generates no results, even though Yugioh Abridged has been referenced on a few pages. As a result, Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Abridged Series found a permanent home on the Yu-Gi-Oh! Wikia. * The "+1 Dead puppy" is a reference to when Yugi said "When ever Kaiba smiles, a puppy dies". http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Yu-Gi-Oh:_The_Abridged_Series_-_Episode_019 * The "Phresh Pharaoh of Bel-Air" opening is part of a full-length video in which LittleKuriboh sings a Yu-Gi-Oh variation of the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme in Yami's voice. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tjpz9igMOvY Category:Abridged Transcripts